Titilating sexplotative movie reviews

The year is 285 A.D. beautiful and powerful Roman General Eroticvs has just vanquished her latest enemy with superior forces, cunning warfare, and body-weakening lesbian seductions. Fading emperor Gluteus Maximus wishes for the popular Eroticvs to lead Rome into a new democratic era, but his spineless son Dickus Minimus will not give up the throne so easily. Arrested, savagely seduced, then left for the vultures, Eroticvs vows revenge. Taken into slavery, she must first survive the sensual rigors of becoming the most feared and least clothed female gladiator. The ultimate lesbian warrior!! It’s metal striking metal and flesh caressing flesh as Gladiator Eroticvs brings down the Coliseum with an undefeatable combination of gasping imperial desires, uninhibited female lust and toga-wearing ecstasy. Surely a delectable and decadent spectacle!

Ok so much for the PR copy…

This parody follows the storyline of Gladiator, with a few changes of course. First, you will not find Russell Crow in the lead role. Darian Caine takes the helm as Eroticus, a lesbian warrior who only wishes to return to her clan of fellow lesbians after being double-crossed by the dead emperor’s son, Dickus Minimus. On her journey home, Eroticus is captured and forced into slavery and must fight in the Gladiator…make that…fight in the Lesbian games. These games pit lovely women against one another to see who succumbs first to the flickering tongue of their enemy. Being the warrior she is, Eroticus quickly becomes the reigning champ. Like in Gladiator, Eroticus journey comes full circle when she does battle in front of Dickus Minimus. Not only does she win that battle, she also catches the eye of Dickus’s damn sexy sister Princess Clitoris (Misty Mundae). What Dickus doesn’t know, is that Princess Clitoris yearns for lesbianism and quickly becomes enchanted with Eroticus.
       This low budget erotic parody is as funny as it is erotic. I found the battle scenes to be most amusing with the Toys-R-Us amour and the goalie stick fighting goons. There are a ton of lesbian sex scenes with lots of different girls.  Writer/ Director John Bucchus (Erotic Witch Project) does a great job with this low budget romp because he has fun with the fact that he doesn’t have $800,000,000 to spend on the movie. There is all sorts of goofiness going one here along with the nicely done eroticism. B-movie starlet Debbie Rochon makes a cameo as well.

Starring:

Darian Caine  Misty Mundae  Katie Jordan  Jade DuBoir 

It is a time when magic rules the land, when lustful fairies cavort with men. Sex, Lust and Debauchery abound, anal oral, orgies, extreme acts of sexual depravity fill this satiated, the fairy folk retreat.

This movie is uncatagorizable as its really not a B movie but the costumes and the treatment of Shakespeare with a little modernization makes it just fucked up enough that B Movie Hellions might want to rent this one for a change of pace.

Where else do you see motorcycles in one of Shakespeare’s stories?

The director and actors have taken perhaps the worst, and certainly the bloodiest, of Shakespeare’s tragedies and turned it into a vibrant, loud, gut-wrenching ride.

Anthony Hopkins is a victorious Roman general who returns from battling the Goths with their queen (Jessica Lange) as his prisoner. But kidnapping is anathema to the Goths, and a devastating cycle of revenge is triggered. Director Julie Taymor takes Shakespeare’s bloody classic Titus Andronicus and puts it through a phantasmagoric time machine. Highly stylized and thought-provoking, Titus received an Oscar for its brilliant costume design.

Get a change of pace from all those droll slasher movies and check out Titus for some real blood and guts!

The title says it all!  The Double-D Avenger is billed as an homage to the films of Russ Meyer  – poor Russ. 

It stars Kitten Natividad (from Russ Meyer’s Beneath the Valley of Ultravixens) as Chastity Knott, the owner of a popular little pub who gains superhuman powers after sucking on a plant that has the power to cure her breast cancer.  The evil bikini bar owner Al Purplewood (Larry Butler) wants her dead because his bar isn’t getting any business because everyone goes to hers. So Purplewood sends his brainless and braless strippers (who never strip) to take out Chastity Knott. Little do they know that Chastity has  become  the Double-D Avenger. The first movie ever starring a cult movie actress over 50 as a superhero!

Yes, it’s a terrible movie. And writer-director-producer William Winckler knows that he’s making a silly trash movie. And there’s nothing wrong with trash cinema .

I’ll give you an idea of the kind of humor prevalent in The Double-D Avenger. There’s a stripper named Ooga Boobies (Sheri Dawn Thomas) whose vocabulary is limited mostly to the phrase “Ooga Boobies” (and, yes, it’s a long-running gag). After the strippers fail to kill Chastity, the evil bikini bar owner makes each of them lay across his lap so he can spank them and one of them screams, “Shiver me titty timbers!” But wait. There’s a scene where the Double-D Avenger tells an overweight woman in a lingerie store to call 9-1-1, to which the woman replies, “I don’t know the number!” And when the German dancer makes her entrance and does her little dance, I nearly stopped the tape out of sheer embarrassment for everyone involved in this movie.

But it’s okay. The movie isn’t too painful. It’s a bad movie and it’s supposed to be!

 It’s exploitation, sure, but of the relatively innocent variety. Of course, it would be unfair of me not to point out that The Double-D Avenger, which was shot on digital video, is actually pretty well-made. The lighting, camerawork, and editing is competent and the movie looks nice enough, but technical competence is worth little here.

And for those of you looking for nudity, you’ll be PISSED!!! There’s cleavage and big, bouncing breasts abound, but nary a nipple rears its head. Unless, of course, you count the nipples poking through the Double-D Avenger’s skin-tight getup, which are captured in quite a few loving close-ups. 

Check it out for a change of pace!

Delectable nymph and university student Misty Mundae is on holiday at her father’s estate. Following a sensual and luxurious morning shower, Misty makes a shocking discovery. There, in a secret study, is the remains of the mummy I-Hop-Shank, recently stolen from the City Museum. Unable to curb her naughty girlish curiosity, Misty begins caressing the ages-dead mummy hoping that her young and lustful vigor will bring it back to life. Soon Misty is aroused to the breaking point, but she cannot believe her eyes when I-Hop-Shank awakens, drawing his first breath in millennia. Revived by the virginal, pleasure-flushed beauty before him, the mummy musters his strength and lumbers after Misty. He must have her! Barely escaping his clumsy advances, Misty learns that the study also hides a voluptuous Egyptian princess – 100% alive and 110% in need of Misty’s scrumptious body. Always wanting to study Ancient Civilizations in a more intimate and hands-on way, Misty “jumps” at the opportunity…and female eroticism has never been explored so thoroughly.

Watch Lust in the Mummys Tomb NOW!

Watch The Girl Who Shagged Me NOW!!!

When the fate of the world hangs by a thread, you better believe that Super-Secret Agent .0069 is on the job and ready for a sexy, outrageous, pulse-pounding adventure.
The Girl Who Shagged Me is a Seduction Cinema spoof shot in London. Although Misty Mundae had top billing, and played two parts, she didn’t really have much screen time. She played a secret agent, and also Dr. Hannible Letcher. Yes, the movie was full of homages, including Silence of the Lambs, Indiana Jones, Ghostbusters and the Honeymooners. Misty does a reasonable English accent as the secret agent, and is hilarious as Dr. Letcher. (I didn’t even recognize her.)

The story is about an ancient lesbian (Anoushka) who had been frozen in a cave in the Scottish Highlands, and was freed by some adventurers. Misty Mundae is ordered to stop her after she was stolen by a mad scientist intent on cloning her to supply his sultan. The scientist’s assistant, played by Rachel Travers, who also does a porno film within the film, ends up being Anoushka’s first conquest. A. J. Kahn appears in a Mundae masturbation fantasy, and also as Ralph Norton in a Honeymooners parody. Sally Huxley also appears in the masturbation fantasy, in the Honeymooners parody, and as Anoushka’s mother.

Watch Lust For Dracula NOW!

Mina Harker (Misty Mundae) isn’t the happiest of Hollywood Hills wives – even though she’s married to wealthy pharmaceuticals magnate Jonathan Harker (Julian Wells!). The repressed Mina longs for Jonathan’s love yet the arrival of the beautiful and mysterious Dracula (Darian Caine) – seductive vampire servants at her side – will change their lives forever. Dracula offers Mina the sensual existence she so desperately craves – one that is immediately threatened by Mina’s sister, Dr. Abigail Van Helsing (Shelly Jones). Van Helsing seeks to not only destroy the monstrous vampire but covet Mina’s seemingly perfect life and husband Jonathan, too. As these troubled characters move ever closer toward their destinies and a final battle with Dracula, blood will be spilled, souls will be destroyed, and love will become undying.

Heres my take . . . there are in fact several positive aspects of Lust For Dracula. The script, unfortunately, is not one of them. The biggest problem, to me, is the director’s failure to really identify and define his characters. When you have a woman married to a woman she believes to be a man, you really need to be clear about what you’re attempting to do story-wise. Misty Mundae plays Mina Harker; she is married to Jonathan Harker, who is played by Julian Wells. Now, I’ve always thought there is a little too much of a masculine quality to Julian Wells, but clearly she is not in fact a man. Mina hasn’t figured it out yet, though; there are two main reasons for this: Jonathan pretty much keeps her drugged all the time and, in addition to and largely because of that fact, Mina is as loopy as – well, something with a heck of a lot of loops. Then Dracula comes into Mina’s life, and Dracula gives Mina the one thing she wants most (and the one thing Jonathan could never give her) – a child. Uh, but Dracula is also a woman (Darian Caine). Somebody bring me an abacus because something just isn’t adding up here. You also have Mina’s sister Abigail Van Helsing who supposedly wants to destroy Dracula (although nothing about her character is made clear – or even gauzily opaque – in the film itself). While all of this crazy stuff is going on, you also have this pair of vampire lovers taking up a lot of film time for no apparent reason – until the end, when everything comes together (which is not to say everything is explained or makes a lick of sense).

However if your looking for a little hot vampire lezzie licker styled movie - this one will keep your attention.

Mulva 2: Kill Teen Ape! is a sequel to the 2001 movie Mulva: Zombie Ass Kicker! It is also a spoof of Quentin Tarantino’s Kill Bill Volume One. It is also the 22nd film by Chris Seaver.

Read the rest of the review here…

Chris Seaver is in his twenties, and he’s been making movies in his backyard since his early teens. He’s not one of these guys who complains about not having enough money to make a movie. Seaver just makes them: quantity, quantity, quantity. His production company is called Low Budget Pictures, and they’ve currently got four movies in distribution, with a few more on the way this year.

When Mulva wakes up, she’s become a total babe. That’s because Seaver cast Debbie Rochon as Mulva this time out. (Rochon actually has an extended cameo in the first movie as Lady McPouchsweat.) The characters crack jokes throughout the movie about how the coma actually made Mulva look better. The rest of the movie features Mulva tracking down and killing all of her former friends, and ultimately confronting Teen Ape.

Yet another Glori-Ann Gilbert movie this time paired with my adult star friend Brittany Andrews.

Watch Night Vamps now!

NIGHTVAMPS takes you into the world of sex and lust with the help of hostess GLORI-ANN GILBERT. You will experience such hot moments with double-d blondes that will stop at nothing to get you hot and bothered! Join PENTHOUSE PET 1993 KELLY JAYE and her friends, adult stars, BRITTANY ANDREWS and LOVETTE as they deliver the final blow to your senses!

See Glori-Anne Gilbert / Vampire Call Girl NOW!

I found more Glori-Anne Gilbert and this time shes a little more explict as a Vampire Call Girl.

Story revolves around a lonely comic book artist named Bill. Like any normal guy who can’t get laid, Bill dials up an escort service and has some call girls sent over. For those of you whom can’t figure out what these call girls are, then I suggest that you re-read the title. Our hero (if you want to call him that) escapes from their evil clutches and decides to head straight over to the head office and complain. After along journey and lots of gratuitous nudity (and man is there a lot) Bill gets his chance to complain. When nothing happens (the girls don’t even get a slap on the wrist), Bill heads over to a friend’s house to hang out. It turns out that the story we just saw was a flashback, Bill is telling his story to all his buddies. Now that we’re in the present, Bill has to take a leak (warning: useless plot device). Apparently the guys called the same escort service. Now we get nakedness and carnage.